The Cordelia Game

The Cordelia Game is based on Cordelia’s role in the opening scene of King Lear. It occured to me that the whole play would go in completely a different direction if Cordelia just said “Oh, Daddy, I love you so much!” Such a different direction, indeed, that there wouldn’t even be a play. I realised there might be many such opportunities throughout the canon. In “the Cordelia Game”, you go round the table, giving each player 30 seconds or so to think of a character and something they could say which would totally and completely scupper the plot of their play. Anyone who can’t think of one, or whose suggestion fails to impress the other players, drinks three fingers or buys the next round. For example:

CORDELIA:          Oh, daddy, I love you so much! Much more than my sisters. They’re just taking the piss. But I love you so much you wouldn’t believe it. Listen ...

HAMLET:              Well, it’s an ill wind, isn’t it? I haven’t seen mum so happy in years.

CLAUDIO:             I'm sorry, Don John, but I just don't believe you. And it’s not bloody Hero up at that window, anyway. It doesn’t look anything like her. It’s that tart who goes round with your henchman whatsisname. You’re just taking the piss.

PROSPERO:          I didn’t like to tell them, but I’d never learned to read. So that’s why we’re stuck on this island, Miranda. Yes, Mr Caliban, sir, I’ll be there in a moment, sir!

HENRY VI:            [of YORK, ideally before his brattish kids are even conceived] Off with his head!

LADY ANNE:        What a good idea! [stabs Richard to death]

ISABELLA:            I’ll go to Angelo and plead for mercy. And if that doesn’t work I’ll offer to suck his nob. That’s bound to do it! I wonder if I should go dressed as a nun...?

In the duel scene of Ricard II:

KING:                     

ORLANDO:            Um, you don’t fancy dinner with me on Friday, at all, do you, M. LeBeau?

IAGO:                      Ancient? Excellent! It’s my dream job, you know.

ROSALINE:            Yes, Romeo, I will marry you.

HENRY V:               May I with right and conscience make this claim?

ARCHBISHOP:      No.

PRINCE OF

ARRAGON:            I’ll choose the lead casket, please.

3rd WITCH:              All hail Macbeth, that shall be kind hereafter.

GONERIL:              Oh, come on daddy, I don’t love you that much. I mean, you are a bit crotchety, aren’t you. And Albany’s rather sweet...

and a personal favourite:

MARK ANTHONY:    Friends, Romans, Cunts...

Incidentally, back in 2004 I initiated "The Cordelia Game" at the Shaksper forum. The thread commences here.

Three Little Men of Sin

Three Little Men of Sin

to the tune of

“Three Little Maids From School Are We”

from Gilbert and Sullivan's “The Mikado”

ALL:                     Three little men of sin are we.

                             Born to the aristocracy.

                             Deep in our own hypocrisy.

                             Three little men of sin.

ALONSO:            I mostly think of my son who died.

ANTONIO:           I mostly think about regicide

SEBASTIAN:      I mostly think about fish, deep-fried

ALL:                     Three little men of sin.

ALL:                    One man of sin was, most unwary,

                             Caught in the arms of the harmless fairy

                             In the position missionary.

                             Three little men of sin.

                             Three little men of sin.

ALL:                     Some people make love raunchily

                             Some people do it tenderly

                             We do it

ANTONIO:                           most chirurgeonly!

ALL:                     Three little men of sin.

ALL:                     Prospero’s daughter liked to jog

                             Over a fen, a flat, a bog,

                             To be with prince Ferdie and his log.

                             Four little men of sin.

                             Four little men of sin.

ALONSO:            I had an affair with young Jean Harlow

ANTONIO:           Marilyn Monroe

SEBASTIAN:                                   and Bridget Bardot

ALL:                     Really, we want to shag Gonzalo!

                             Three little men of sin.

                             Three little men of sin.

Shakespearean Mathematics 1

And here’s an interesting quote:

ARCHBISHOP:                     Nor did the French possess the Salic land

                                                Until four hundred one-and-twenty years

                                                After defunction of King Pharamond

                                                Idly supposed the founder of this law,

                                                Who died within the year of our redemption

                                                Four hundred twenty-six, and Charles the Great

                                                Subdued the Saxons and did seat the French

                                                Beyond the river Sala in the year

                                                Eight hundred five.

This is Shakespearian Mathematics, as expressed in the equation:

               805 – 426 = 421.