Henry V - Medieval Telephone Book

I remember once saying to someone that I thought performing a full text version of Henry V would be like performing a telephone book. I didn’t really mean much by that, except to say that the play, definitely one of Shakespeare’s best, is tiresomely long in its full text, and contains many passages which are unnecessary, easily cut, difficult to play, difficult to follow, difficult not to yawn over, or filled with cross-references to other plays or long-forgotten history.

Rethinking that off-the-cuff comment of mine, recently, I noticed that there really are passages of Henry V that do read like a telephone book. Basically just lists of names. I therefore present, for your entertainment, my own abridgement of the play - almost as long as some performed versions - “Henry V - Medieval Telephone Book”:

ARCHBISHOP:         Charles the Great... King Pharamond...

                                    King Pepin, which deposed Childeric,

                                                               ... descended

                                    Of Blithild, which was daughter to King Clothair.

                                    Hugh Capet also, who usurped the crown

                                    Of Charles the Duke of Lorraine, sole heir male...

                                                          ... of Charles the Great

                                    ... Conveyed himself as heir to the Lady Lingard,

                                    Daughter to Charlemagne, who was the son

                                    To Louis the Emperor, and Louis the son

                                    Of Charles the Great. Also King Louis the Ninth,

                                           ... fair Queen Isabel, his grandmother,

                                    Was lineal of the Lady Ermengard,

                                    Daughter to Charles the foresaid Duke of Lorraine...

                                    King Pepin’s title, and Hugh Capet’s claim,

                                    King Louis his satisfaction...

                                    ... your great uncle, Edward the Black Prince

CHORUS:                  One, Richard Earl of Cambridge, and the second,

                                    Henry Lord Scroop of Masham, and the third,

                                    Sir Thomas Grey, knight, of Northumberland.

FRENCH KING:       ...the Dukes of Berry and of Bretagne,

                                    Of Brabant and of Orleans...

                                    And you, Prince Dauphin.

                                    Charles Delabreth, High Constable of France,

                                    You dukes of Orleans, Bourbon and of Berry,

                                    Alencon, Brabant, Bar and Burgundy,

                                    Jacques Chatillon, Rambures, Vaudemont,

                                    Beaumont, Grandpre, Roussi and Fauconbridge,

                                    Foix, Lestrelles, Boucicault and Charolias,

                                    High dukes, great princes, barons, lords and knights.

SALISBURY:                                ... my noble lord of Bedford,

                                    My dear lord Gloucester, and my good lord Exeter.

HENRY:                     Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,

                                    Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester

EXETER:                    Charles, Duke of Orleans, nephew to the King;

                                    John, Duke of Bourbon, and Lord Boucicault.

HENRY:                     Charles Delabreth, High Constable of France;

                                    Jacques of Chatillon, Admiral of France;

                                    The Master of the Crossbows, Lord Rambures;

                                    Great Master of France, the brave Sir Guichard Dauphin;

                                    John, Duke of Alencon; Anthony Duke of Brabant,

                                    The brother to the Duke of Burgundy;

                                    And Edward, Duke of Bar: of lusty earls,

                                    Grandpre and Roussi, Fauconbridge and Foix,

                                    Beaumont and Marle, Vaudemont and Lestrelles.

                                    ... Edward the Duke of York; the Earl of Suffolk;

                                    Sir Richard Keighley; Davy Gam, esquire

                                                                        ... uncle Exeter,

                                    And brother Clarence, and you, brother Gloucester,

                                    Warwick and Huntingdon.

FINIS